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Ariel & Gobuss
| Komenarze 62 Part 6 |
|From Samantha MSF:|
You managed to describe madness and obsession in such a real, yet beautiful wayâ€¦ Severus is going more and more crazy, longing for Harryâ€™s presence, and itâ€™s been only two weeks after their last closeness. Even if it sounds sentimental, Iâ€™m melting from seeing the cold, frozen heart of this lonely man so full of warmth and love. So impossibly strong loveâ€¦
The dream is incredible, itâ€™s so unusual to see Severus thinking of something like that. And now my hopes of a happy ending for both of him and Harry have become even greater)) Could Harryâ€™s words be a real prophecy? And Severusâ€™ confidence in inevitability of Harryâ€™s death and their separation, this time forever, is sad and depressive. I guess the feeling of guilt and anger at himself are driving him mad even more, because now, when the end is so close, every day is as precious as never before, and he and Harry are spending them apart from each other. Only because of his insane jealousy and cruelty, because of his mistake which for now is almost the biggest in his life.
Severus is unpredictable, as usual) He is so sure that soon he will have to give Harry to Voldemort, so why is he worrying so much about the boyâ€™s study of the Black magic? Whatâ€™s the difference â€“ anyway Harry will very soon be dead, and till this time the Black magic just wouldnâ€™t succeed in destroying his light. But Severus is still concerned, so much concerned that he went to the library and put the spell to create the barrier which will prevent Harry from studying the dirt. Maybe somewhere deep inside he canâ€™t really imagine Harryâ€™s death, his total disappearance from the face of the Earth? Maybe he expects the boy to have future, as bright as Harry himself is? Severus is acting irrationally, and itâ€™s a rare thing as for him. But again, love is always blind and completely deprived of logic
Oh, Iâ€™m crying againâ€¦ It is so touching and sad, seeing what this love has done to Severus. At least now he is thinking of his possible future â€“ future without Harry, and canâ€™t really imagine it. Or vise versa, he can imagine it so well that pain becomes irresistible, so he drinks and drinks and drinks. Already missing him so muchâ€¦ Even his precious Slytherins donâ€™t matter now. Who would believe that one day Harry Potter will become the most important and beloved person to Severus Snape? One more time, thank you for this long, full of difficulties and absolutely realistic path from hate and indifference to Love! I have never seen such a believable way of falling in love. You proved that even cold, destroyed in soul and empty from the inside people are capable of this feeling, and Iâ€™m so sorry that itâ€™s impossible to let everyone among the world read DI! Itâ€™s so psychological and dark, absolutely perfect.
Wow, I only now realized that Severus actually confessed that he loves Harry! Valentine's Day, Day of love, and he is thinking about what those stupid decorations have to do with feelings which are flaming inside him. Great! And, by the way, he is absolutely right!
Finally it occurred to him that the fact that Harry is trying to learn the Back magic doesnâ€™t matter. But it happened only now, and it says a lot.
Iâ€™m trying to imagine what this short future moment of closeness must mean to Severusâ€¦ How much desirable and painful it has to be. Once again being with Harry, touching, loving him, and during all this time understanding that it will never happen again.
I adore this abstract! So impossibly bitter to watch Severus saying â€¶goodbye" with each touch, each kiss, trying to remember everything. I love his desire to make Harry believe that he isnâ€™t nothing to him â€“ that he is needed, wanted, loved. And Iâ€™m sure that Harryâ€™s uncertainty has really hurt Severus, so he decided to use everything in his arsenal just to get an answer he wanted to hear from the boy.
This man is also a complete optimist. He really can imagine standing near Voldemort and watching him killing Harry?! Ha, I would like to look at it. Certainly he wouldnâ€™t be able to just stand and do nothing â€“ the dark side of him, that monster who is in love with Harry, too, wouldnâ€™t allow this. I think in that case Harryâ€™s dream would become a reality â€“ Severus would try to save him - even understanding that now itâ€™s useless, too late to change anything, - and the Death Eaters would capture them both. Terrible final, Iâ€™m so grateful it didnâ€™t happen!
This must be a real culmination of the whole DI! The greatest chapter ever! Itâ€™s is SO emotional and heart-rending that I had to stop reading for a few minutes and force my crazy heartbeat to calm down a bit. Youâ€™re writing so amazingly well that itâ€™s impossible to read without drinking some hard liquors and stay sane! Despite everything, now it is clear as never before how strong Severusâ€™ love is! He decided to sacrifice his greatest desire, himself by putting Harry above his liberty and his life. Severus Snape, this cold-hearted, indifferent person who adores inflicting pain, hurting, humiliatingâ€¦ and who is madly in love now. But he saved himself, either, because otherwise, with Harryâ€™s death, his life would anyway be over. And now he can die, knowing that Harry is safe, at least for some time.
Those kissesâ€¦ you canâ€™t imagine how I was waiting for them! Itâ€™s still seems to be unimaginable for me that there are almost no kisses throughout all 53 chapters. What snarry can be without kisses?! But you again managed to change my point of view. And now I appreciate them even more, because they are so long-awaited! And again, I donâ€™t understand how you can describe these moments with suchâ€¦ passion, despair, desire. I was like on fire while reading. Itâ€™s absolutely great. And Severusâ€™ thoughts of Harry, there are just â€“ I donâ€™t even know how to say â€“ outstanding, excellent, magnificent, sad and inspiring at the same time.
I have to repeat that Iâ€™m also very impressed because you have shown not only â€¶Snape is slowly changing and his light side prevails due to his love to Harry", but â€¶Snape is slowly beginning to love with his both light and dark sides". I believe that exactly his dark side (or maybe both of them) didnâ€™t allow Harry to drink that Potion, forced him to provoke the boy even against his will, his rationalism. He loves too much to sacrifice such a precious treasure as Harry. And I understand why he hit him. Of course from Harryâ€™s POV it was really freaked, but from Severusâ€™â€¦ he is just so angry with himself for allowing his feelings to this boy to take over all other emotions.
This love/sex scene is the most tender, beautiful and bitter of all others. Finally Severus made the decision, and finally it belongs only to him. The main reason is not Voldemort and Dumbledore, just his own feelings, and this fact still somehow surprise me in a good sense.
By the way, I think your choice of songs is just remarkable! I donâ€™t know how you managed to find all of them, they fit perfectly to absolutely each chapter! And for this one (â€¶Desiderium Intimum") I also imagined the song of David Bowie:
How you turned my world,
you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
You've run so long
You've run so far
Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you
Yes, I do
Live without your sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
(though I donâ€™t quite know why â€¶within" and not â€¶without you").
This abstract is as impressive as the previous one! Now, when itâ€™s obvious that Severus is ready to sacrifice not only his life, but also the most valuable thing he has â€“ Harryâ€™s love, - it touches me even deeper. Itâ€™s difficult to imagine how strong his feelings must be to do such a thingâ€¦ Make Harry hate him, destroy all his love just to ensure the tolerable future for himâ€¦ Honestly, I never believed that Snape, even being in love, would be ready to do something like that. Now I understand why it took him so much time to acknowledge the absolute impossibility of Harryâ€™s death and his feelings towards him. Itâ€™s just that when he accepts something, he accepts it completely, with all sides, without exceptions. He couldnâ€™t just decide â€¶yes, I love Potter, but he must die anyway" or â€¶yes, I love him, I canâ€™t let him die, but I want to keep his love to me till the end". He either accepts everything or not, there is no the third option. That is why he was persuading himself that he didnâ€™t need Harryâ€™s closeness, his presence, his smile and laugh for so long. And now, giving up on this violent fight with himself, Severus decided to acknowledge that Harry is the whole world for him. So now he is ready to do absolutely everything to protect the boy, because taking care of him has become his new sense of life. It doesnâ€™t matter whether he will die, lose Potterâ€™s love, let the entire world be destroyed â€“ his only purpose now is Harry, his life, his safety. Itâ€™sâ€¦ marvelous. Dumbfounding. And as for Harry wonâ€™t come back to him this time â€“ oh, how wrong Severus is. He should have known this impossible boy better)
Iâ€™m sure no one can hold back tears while reading this. From Harryâ€™s POV it was a happy, full of hopes scene, and now, seeing through Severusâ€™ eyes â€“ itâ€™s a goodbye moment. As Severus believes â€“ forever. He might be ready to give everything to save Harry, but it doesnâ€™t matter that itâ€™s not hard for him. Intolerable. And the last kiss â€“ itâ€™s so painfulâ€¦ I was sobbing like a child. The last timeâ€¦ I know itâ€™s not, but for now, it just feels soâ€¦
Severus again deserves a fucking medal for everything he must do! To change light, gentle, sincere moments into dirty, cruel, perverted?! Oh, itâ€™s impossible to imagine. Not surprising that he couldnâ€™t touch many of them â€“ they are just stronger than anything else. But I also understand why Harry believed them. I would have done it, too. In moments like these the sense of betrayal must be overwhelming, completely illogical and strong. It just couldnâ€™t be otherwise, although I think Severus had a little hope deep inside that Harry wouldnâ€™t believe it.
Damn, through DI there were lots of moments when I was angry with Severus, thinking he deserves sufferings, but nowâ€¦ oh, no, itâ€™s impossible. How painful everything isâ€¦ especially the waitingâ€¦
And there it is â€“ another culminate, incredibly intense momentâ€¦ I am feeling again as though I am Severus, and those terrible, painful feelings are mineâ€¦ This man took every bit of control he could gather, and managed to hold his mask even while tearing apart from inside. Only Harryâ€™s look, full of hate and disgust, made his legs buckle, so what he must have felt seeing those sparks of hatred appearing from Harryâ€™s wand? The physical evidence of his hatredâ€¦ This moment totally broke my heart â€“ you again used so many details, so exact descriptions of emotionsâ€¦ And Severusâ€™ thought that the death is desired and pleasant if it means that all this pain goes away just paralyzed me. I have never expected that. But so trueâ€¦
I knew it! I knew what those pages from book were about!) So glad I got it right.
During all this time I was dying to see what is written in that small red box. And now I know! Harryâ€™s letter is very, very touching and soul-breaking. I understand why it completely crushed Severus, making the feeling of loss even more unbearable. Itâ€™s over, itâ€™s really overâ€¦
You canâ€™t imagine how difficult it is to write a comment to this abstract! Even despite having read if for four times, I still cannot wait to read further, and my hands are shaking just as if I were reading for the first time. Severusâ€™ last look at the Gryffindor Tower, his thoughts about months which he spent with Harry are fantastic â€“ so sad, but sweet, anyway! It must the most difficult part for meâ€¦ I so want Severus to come backâ€¦
Oh my God, just how, HOW could you write so well?! I managed to read it only after three futile attempts, because I almost feel â€“ REALLY feel â€“ Severusâ€™ pain on a physical level. Itâ€™s so hurt, itâ€™s destroying me â€“ him. And the fact that he still somehow thinks of Harry, of his eyesâ€¦ itâ€™s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Again, terribly realisticâ€¦ It really HURTS, though I canâ€™t understand howâ€¦
Yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much for finishing this part on such an optimistic note (wellâ€¦ sort of)! Now I can go to sleep almost calmly, knowing that Severus is all right, that his life wonâ€™t be in danger again (till the last chapter, of course. The battle with this evil Voldemort is only awaiting). Hogwartsâ€¦ He is really back. To life, to schoolâ€¦ to Harry.
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